Музыкальные анекдоты

[freelancer]

"... Лысый, как колено, баянист в переходе Крещатика:
- "Снегопад, снегопад, не мети мне на косы... "

Как хорошо было на Крещатике и даже в переходе, когда там еще не было лысых как колено баянистов!

[femmina]

- Какой щипковый инструмент самый громкий?
- Женская попа. Не верите – ущипните!..

[Rexmager]

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her late sixties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled With water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' Pointing to the bowl.
'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!'

[Тhe Оnе]

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her late sixties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled With water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' Pointing to the bowl.
'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!'

Вспомнился рассказ Бальзака "Наивность", где ребенок затрудняется показать на каритне "Адам и Ева" где кто, поскольку у них же нет одежды.

[femmina]

Репетиpyет pок-гpyппа. Заходит бас-гитаpист, ставит на колонкy бyтылкy водки.
Емy:
— Ты что, на pепетицию с водкой?!
Он:
— Hет, на пьянкy с гитаpой…

[femmina]

Сын нового русского приходит домой и говорит:
- Папа, я хочу быть музыкантом!
Папа озадачился, подсуетился, напряг связи. На следующее утро приходит и говорит:
- Так, сынуля, завтра приходишь в консерваторию на экзамен. Экзамен для тебя такой: называешь свою фамилию, берешь самые большие барабанные палочки и громко бъешь в барабан. Понял?
- Понял!
На следующий день встречает папа сына, а сынок заплаканный идет.
«Нувориш» аж присел:
- Что, не взяли?
- Не-ее-т!!
- Ты до консерватории дошел?
- Да-а-а!
Фамилию назвал?
- Да-а-а!
- Палочки взял?
- Да-а-а!
- А в чем тогда облом-то, сынок?
- По барабану не попа-а-ал!

[femmina]

"Александр Белл изобрел телефон, а Вольфганг Амадей Моцарт – набор мелодий к нему."

[femmina]

Говорят, в Большом было. Опера «Евгений Онегин». То место, где герой у Гремина спрашивает:
- Кто там в малиновом берете:
- Жена моя!
- Не знал, что ты женат!

Так вот, в самый ответственный момент потерялся берет. Срочно нашли зеленый, и выпустили девушку на сцену. Герой увидел – из положения выходить надо, ну и ляпнул наскоро:
- Кто это там в ЗЕЛЕНОВОМ берете?
Гремин обалдел от неожиданности и запутался:
- СЕСТРА моя!
Евгений совсем спрыгнул с катушек:
- Не знал, что ты СЕСТРАТ!

[Княжна]

Ну, вроде 19 век. Березовая роща, вся такая белая. Прогуливается девушка неземной красоты. вся в белом, любуется природой, радуется жизни, вдыхает ароматы.
Выходит на простор. А там - белоколонная усадьба. Ах, ох... Входит чуть дыша... Беломраморный зал. Посередь белый рояль, за ним прекрасный юноша в белом фраке играет приятную-приятную мелодию. Девушка, опять-таки чуть дыша: "Вы тут так прекрасно играете!"
На что он ей глаголет:
"Да вот, хренарю помаленьку!"

[ViolArt]

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her late sixties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled With water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' Pointing to the bowl.
'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!'

Переведите, пожалуйста.